okay pat passed out under dana's car
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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