What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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