no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
