Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize