I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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