the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize