dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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