This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
