found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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