Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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