i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
