i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
God I need to hump something, right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize