This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize