White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
