he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
