who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize