Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
