u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
