Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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