I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
