You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
