I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
