somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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