life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
