Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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