you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
