I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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