she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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