Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
