I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize