Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
