just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
