Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
