I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
