Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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