Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
