you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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