He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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