I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
