My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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