Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
