I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
