my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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