you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
