thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We got so high we made milksteak
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
