....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize