Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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