I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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