I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
