I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
