The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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