Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
