I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
