At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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