then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
