I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
