Your dad touched me again.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
