That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
