After last night, I could never be a politician.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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