i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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