My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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