Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
