I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
