def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
