There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
