it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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