dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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