yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
