I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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