Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
