Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
