Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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