Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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