I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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